A pig walks into the bar and asks for a pitcher of beer. He drank it all then asked the bartender where the bathroom is. Bartender replies "down the hall and to the left".
Another pig walks into the bar and orders 2 pitchers of beer. He finishes them off and then asks where the bathroom is. The bartender replies "down the hall and to the left".
Another pig walks into the bar and orders 3 pitchers of beer. Finishing them off he was just going to stand up when the bartender asks him "well aren't you going to ask where the bathroom is?" The pig replies " no, i am going to go wee wee wee all the way home."
"The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid."
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up . . . reading." Henny Youngman
"Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth." George Burns
"Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth." Steve Allen
"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with fools." Ernest Hemmingway
"If your doctor warns that you have to watch your drinking, find a bar with a mirror." John Mooney
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
Joe E Lewis.
"There's nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation."
"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
"He was a wise man who invented beer."
"All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer."
"The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a beer bottle, they're on TV."
"I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal labotomy."
"Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time."